Several years ago when my son was small he asked me one day “Mom, what is it to be in love?” I was shocked with this question, I had to think fast because he was waiting for a response or at least give something that would satisfy and the only thing that I thought about was “Ohhh, it’s the $64,000 question.” And he left satisfied to go play after an “Ahh!” Up to this day I am still looking for a definition to answer that question and frankly I still haven’t found it, the only thing I know
for sure is that it’s a feeling and that it’s very closely related with love. It’s so many different things and it has been written about a lot. Samir M. Laâbi wrote “Good love, crazy love, divine love, human love, poets love, chivalry love, courted love, carnal love, faithful love, and paternal love; support love and prostituted love; blinded love, and self love. Every one of these fits into the history of mankind shaken up by feelings”.
Many say that love is blind, but the reality is always the same and what is, is. However a human being can interpret a situation one way or another and adjust it according to the reality that suits them best. Here’s an example. This is a story used by the psychotherapist Jorge Bucay, it’s called “The Look of Love”. It talks about a king that was in love with Sabrina, a girl who was humble and who was his last wife. One afternoon while the king was hunting a messenger came with news that Sabrina’s mother was very ill. Even though it was forbidden to use the kings carriage for personal use; an action that the offender normally paid with his life, Sabrina used the carriage to get to her mother. When the king returned he quickly heard about the incident, to which the king said “Isn’t she wonderful? She didn’t care about risking her life to take care of her mother! On a different occasion while Sabrina was in the garden, the king arrived and after she greeted him she gave a bite to the last peach that she had in her basket. “They look good,” said the king, “They are,” said Sabrina and taking his hand she placed the bitten peach in his hand. “How she loves me!” commented the king, “She gave up her own pleasure to give me the last peach in the basket. Isn’t she fantastic?” After several years, and not knowing why, the love and passion left the king’s heart, and so he sat and talked to his best friend about Sabrina, “She never acted like a queen. Did she not defy my authority by using my carriage? Actually now that I think about it, I remember that one day she gave me a piece of bitten fruit to eat.”
It is said that you can’t govern your heart, but it’s like one of my friend says, “If someone with an anomaly wanted something more than a simple friendship, you’re not going to go out with that person right away, you’re going to think about it.” Definitely people love with the mind first and then with the heart. Meanwhile, if it where possible to choose who to fall in love with, it wouldn’t be love, it’d be pity or something like that, but not love. Gibran Jalil Gibrán used to say “Many women borrow a man’s heart, but few are able to possess them,” and that “If you want to possess, you can’t demand,” this is the same for men. Love is a very important aspect in any human life, and is to the benefit of humanity that led Blaise Pascal to say “The cause of love is small and its affects are surprising, such a small thing moves the land and the world itself”. In the family setting you learn the very important concept, which marks the life of an individual. Children know a lot when it comes to love. When a 5 year old kid was asked what he thought about love, his response was “Love is my dad and my mom, and only they know it.” Fortunately we have big help; if we meditate a little about the first and great commandment that says “You shall love God above everything”, making it very clear, because in it you don’t find that we are first to love our husband or wife, parents, our children or siblings, boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, our car, our house, etc. Plus add to that the second commandment that “Love your neighbor as yourself” which means that after God is yourself and after that everyone else. If in our homes we show and practice love in this order and the correct way, then we will understand the words of our Lord, in what is called ‘golden rule’, “Do unto others as you’d have them do on to you”. Maybe we can’t change the whole world, but we can create a better, healthier environment for everyone around us. A French doctor and writer wrote, “Love has two laws: the first is to love others; the second: eliminate that which doesn’t allow others to love us.” Lastly, we can guide ourselves by what the Bible says about “The Privilege of Love” “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at injustices, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends…”
Real love builds, grows, it is the motor that impulses us every day and doesn’t permit pride. Wrath and other negative feelings intrude into our relationships, as couples or family. It is said that when pride screams it is love that silences it and when misery enters through the door, love goes out the window.
An anonymous writer said “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”